School No. 2 ... I want you .. I want you bad ...

My husband and I are in the same boat as many other parents of four and five year olds right now. Where are we going to send our kids to school? What will be the best school for our kids? Next week I will start down the path of visiting schools and the dawning process of filling out applications. So far, I have felt excited about this process and have been optimistic about our options.

Then on Tuesday, I sat in my weekly staff meeting at School on Wheels where we tutor children that are homeless. *Fay* who lives at Barton Center with her mom, her sister and her sister's baby, was brought up ... a bright little girl who is excited about her education. Her mom is planning on applying to School No. 1 for kindergarten when one of my co-workers suggested that Fay's mom should check out School No. 2, the first Center for Inquiry here in Indianapolis with an outstanding reputation as far as Indianapolis Public Schools are concerned. This is the school I am visiting next week for my 4 and a half year old. I was excited thinking how cool it will be for Griffin to be surrounded by kids from all ethnic, socio economic backgrounds and then this bratty voice in head said, "Hey, what if Fay gets Griffin's spot?" And then I saw Waiting for Superman .. an awesome documentary about several impoverished families playing the education game here in The United States and that bratty voice in my head said, "You're a brat."

For those of us who don't want to live in the suburbs and who want to save money for future college funds rather than spend it on private school tuition right now the public school system is one hell of a system to navigate. It's luck .... it is the Lottery. When there are only so many good public schools to go around and only so many spots at these schools for new students this is the game us parents have to play. The Lottery. How ridiculous!

So, say Conor and I move our family to the Irvington neighborhood (as we intend) and would just send our kids to the "neighborhood" school .. that school is School 14. School 14 has their students watch movies during the lunch hour , 1 in 6 kids attending School 14 is a homeless child and over 40% of the students there are dealing with some kind of learning disability or behavioral issue. I want to go and scream to Principal Mikus at School 14, "Get Mid-Town Mental Health in here every hour of the school day and get every single student not reading at grade level a tutor now and my kid is going here next year and I want him to be held at an exceptional level not a he-isn't-causing-a-problem-so-just-leave-him-alone-level" ...

Unfortunately, I don't feel I am that parent who is capable of championing all things for all students at School 14 right now. Ugh. I wish I was.

While I know I will do everything in my power to get my kids into the school I think is right for them and be their advocate for them throughout their scholastic journey I can't help thinking NOW ... "What if Griffin gets Fay's spot?"

What is too nice?

There are times in everyone's life that are monumental ... going to college, finding your soul mate, career paths, having children. But there are also times in your life that are character building monumental times. Times when just pure circumstance or uninhibited conversations lead you to make definite decisions about the kind of person you want to be.  I had one of those very defining moments just last week ... my first one as a mom.
Someone influential in my son's life at the moment made a harsh criticism of my skills as a parent ... suggesting that I am "too nice" to him. I went through several different phases of emotions ... anger, guilt and sadness to name a few. While I don't feel any strong desire to defend my parenting philosophy or parenting style to her, I of course have thought long and hard about "Am I too nice to my kids?" "Is there such a thing?" "Am I a doormat?"

So ... the reasonable answer I have come up with for myself is ... I don't really think you can be too nice ... especially to your kids.

My Grandmother was probably one of the nicest people to ever have walked the earth ... I never heard her say a bad word about anyone ... even when I  baited her or gave her very oppurtune outlets. She said hi to everyone whether she knew them or not, sheltered her family with love before anything else and always, always wore her compassion for others on her sleeve. If my children and grandchildren have the same things to say about me when I am not long for this world, that would make me happy.

Going forward I will continue to hug my kids that one extra time and do my best to give them explanations for why their behavior was inappropriate instead of yelling harshly and always talk to them how I would appreciate being talked to and always let them know that people make mistakes but that is no reason to be mean to them.

So, in closing I can't wait for my kids to wake up tomorrow morning so I can shower them with love and niceness. I hope you do the same with your kids and with everyone in your life!